How to Use the SWEET Steps to Positive Self-Talk as a Superpower
Molly Holmes, LMFT 
There are simple steps that you can use to set yourself free from self-criticism and to turn your inner critic into your inner cheerleader.
Are you aware of your inner dialogue?
Whether it is kind and supportive or critical and self-defeating, this internal conversation is referred to as self-talk. Often influenced by unconscious beliefs and old experiences, self-talk is how we have learned to relate to ourselves. This internal chitchat helps our brains to make sense of the world and process what we are experiencing. When our self-talk is positive, it is like we have an inner cheerleader supporting us in being our best selves. Then, we are able to effectively calm our fears, solve problems and generally make ourselves feel better. However, many people have an inner critic who is often much, much louder.
The Good News Is That You Can Mindfully Silence Your Inner Critic And Tune Into Your Inner Cheerleader!
Start by focusing on paying attention to your inner chatter throughout the day. This is the foundation of mindfulness. As a result, this inner awareness will begin to generalize to a greater awareness of everything. For the best results, you may want to add a regular mindfulness meditation practice to your self-care routine. Because meditation helps your brain to slow down, be aware and stay connected to the present.
Being aware and present with ourselves is where the “magic” of authentic connection happens.
Our positive or negative self-talk is usually based on messages that we internalized growing up in our childhood. And these messages usually become repetitive stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. When they are positive we weather life’s storms with confidence and solve problems creatively. But when they are negative, they are like rough waters that wear us down over time, put us in survival mode and erode our self-esteem. However, it is possible to mindfully rewrite these stories to reflect your true strengths instead.
Take these steps to SWEET talk yourself into greater success and more positivity!
You will see how sincerely sweet-talking yourself gets you a lot more inner-cooperation towards your goals. Because it is so much easier to do things like eating healthier and exercising when we feel good about ourselves—Right?
1. Stay strength based
The first step is to identify as many of your strengths, talents and glowing attributes as possible. If you get stuck, phone a friend and ask her to share some with you. Once you have a list of what is wonderful about you, store it in your phone or a journal that you can reference. Positive self-talk is based on being able to view ourselves through the lens of our authentic strengths—it is not wearing “rose colored glasses” for self-delusion. And you deserve to own whatever is awesome about you!
2. Witness your inner dialogue
The second step is to begin to witness your inner dialogue by learning how to be mindfully aware of your self-talk. Just begin by neutrally paying attention to what you are saying to yourself inside. Then, notice when you are talking positively to yourself. What words do you use? How do those words affect you? This is the self-talk we want to nurture and grow! Next, notice when your inner critic is running the show. In order to curb self-criticism, we need to be aware of when we are being self-critical.
3. Eye of the beholder
We have all heard the saying: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This means that we appreciate whatever we behold as valuable. When a mother beholds her baby as precious, those feelings are communicated through their bond. As a result, the baby internalizes a sense of being valuable. Likewise, the way you talk to yourself can make you feel like you are valuable when it is positive or diminished when it is negative. This step acts as the “eye” or the lens to truly seeing ourselves as inherently good, worthy human beings. Because without this perspective, there is usually no “felt” sense of genuine positivity in your positive self-talk.
4. Everything has a silver lining
This step involves intentionally seeking out the silver lining in anything you perceive as “bad” or challenging. Positive self-talk is not denial or false hope about ourselves or life’s difficulties. It is a practice of optimism that assists us in turning stressful situations into teachable moments. And it begins to train your brain to look for the good in things, because it wires it to focus on the positive. But we have to remember to make the effort to look for the silver lining.
5. Transform your inner critic into your inner cheerleader
But how do you intervene when you become aware that your inner critic has a habit of not playing nice? The answer is to go through the steps and rewrite all the repetitive negative messages you are aware of telling yourself. Then, rewrite them by transforming them into positive messages. For example, if you tell yourself things like: “You never do anything right!” Rewrite that message as something similar to: “Mistakes are learning opportunities for growth!”
The practice of positive self-talk can set you free
You can free yourself from the torment of your inner critic and experience feeling a lot more at ease in your own skin. As a result, you will notice how much more overall positivity and wellbeing you have.
Want a more in depth understanding of how to apply this process and how to make the SWEET Steps to Positive Self-Talk like second nature to you?